For many Christian's, the "Single's Ministry" (SM) at their local church is nothing more than a glorified social club. I am sure there are very effective SM's at many churches, but for the most part, they can be ineffective. Most SM's have a female administrator who coordinates the monthly singles bowling event, community outreach planning and prayer meetings. That was fine for the 1960's, but today's singles are a whole new animal all together!
Here are some questions that SM's have to contend with in today's churches:
1) What does the Pastor say to a woman who says, "I love God, but I love sex too?"
2) What does the sister who is leading the group say to a man who admits he is struggling with masturbation only to have her dreams of "gettin' wit da brother" dashed by this revelation?
3) What do you say to the gay couple who want to get married in the church they attend, but are afraid to admit their sexuality for fear of rejection?
4) What do you say to the sexually active couple who want to promote the use of condoms among the congregation to prevent pregnancy, STD's and HIV/AIDS?
5) How does the "20 something" young woman or young man minister to the sister who has recently lost her husband to death about "single life" after 34 years of marriage?
6) What do the men in leadership say to the young man who is preying on the "vulnerable, single'' sisters in church to satisfy his own sexual lusts?
SM's have bogged down under the weight of politics, indifference and greed! Many Pastors don't give a "flying flip" about the emotional lives of the people as long as they bring the "tithe." There is no room for poor people in church anymore! Isn't that amazing? It's a hard thing to hear, but its true! Singles have a tough time trying to regulate their own lives much less minister to the lives of others without the proper guidance and support mechanism, that being: the unadulterated truth and "real talk."
SM's have to differentiate love from sex and prepare single couples for "real marriage" and not just "weddings!" Black women are five times as likely to be single at age 40 than white women. More than 42% of black women in the US have never been married and more than 70% of black women in the US are single (including those divorced, separated or widowed)! Add to that the virulent epidemic of HIV/AIDS among black men and women, the increase of gay men and same sex marriage, the mass incarceration of black men and the vigilante behavior of local police toward innocent black men, one can see that the "selection pool" of quality black men for motivated black women is damn near non-existent.
SM's, but more importantly Pastors, need to be more vigilant in preaching the truth to their congregants without "filtering the message" for fear of offending the masses. In addition, they need to recruit the best professionals to create a solid support mechanism to effectively minister to the needs of the people. I must emphasize the need for "professional counselors." Every Pastor need not be the Counselor just because they are the Pastor. This act of arrogance has proven to do more harm than good!
SM's can be an effective tool to assist members with their successes, trials and tribulations regarding relationships, intimacy, celibacy and sexuality.
Tune into "MANdate Ministries: Uncut" on Thursday, August 23, 2012 at 7:00pm on www.blogtalkradio.com/mandate for our show on "Singles' Ministry" for Real talk and Hard truth. Our call-in number is 1.347.843.4112.
Hey, we all know that pastors can’t be in two places at one time, and that they are over burdened with nonsensical crap by attention hungry flock who would rather CALL the PASTOR than be mature members in their own right. Yet the problem many pastors face is the fact that the minute they start to edge the members toward maturity, they leave his church in search of a new pastor who will continue to baby them. Why? Life is a whole lot easier if you don’t have to accept YOUR portion of the responsibility in life. The Singles Ministry SHOULD as many other ministries, be head by other specially trained individuals who have the AUTOMONY to run said ministry. Yet to the failings of most, the Pastor must wear all 12 hats, (Don’t laugh, I know pastors who wear more) so he or she remains the focal point of power and authority in the face of the people. Not that the people are empowered, but that they continue to be led.
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